Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Dear Gene Chizik,
Quit calling. I'm moving on.


P.S. If you ever tell anyone about that night in the Opelika tattoo parlor I WILL KILL YOU.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Hee hee. Snackcake came into my office today all "I saw your blog, Tommy, if you really have a problem with me then why don't you just say it to my face? I've worked really hard for you, I think you owe me that much" and I was all "Blog? T doesn't have a blog! Only total losers have blogs" and then he was like "Don't lie to me, you've got a blog up about how much you hate me and keep saying stuff like I'm fat and gave Kate Moss a bunch of cocaine!" and I was all "Al, Al, Al, Al, Al, if I really wanted to humiliate you I'd pull up your shirt at the signing day press conference and give you a pink belly, not do some stupid blog. T has much better things to do than nerd it up on the internet" and then he stormed out. I'm sure he believed it wasn't me doing this blog though, he's a dumbass that way.

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

What is wrong with these jackasses? Don't they know I'm a God around here? I'm T! Tommy T! They act like there's something wrong with me climbing onto my roof at 4 AM to shoot at the private jets flying over my house! I know it's Borges! He's trying to drive me crazy!

Saturday, January 28, 2006

Remember all that trouble Kate Moss got into?

Friday, January 27, 2006

Look at this fat oaf:

Whenever the kids screw up he's always lecturing them and giving them speeches and getting in their faces. What the hell, Fatty? See, I always give them a "good hustle clap":

They respond to that. It's like, they can tell by the look on my face that I'm mad, but they also see that I'm applauding their efforts. So even though they know they screwed up, they also know Daddy T loves them just the same. Look at how much slimmer I am, too! Imagine Fatty Fat Fattyblubber clapping. Those saggy lunchlady arms would be flying, causing havoc on the sidelines, knocking people out in the upper deck! That's why all the players love me and hate him, cause they know I'm better looking and I clap for them. My clap is extra super manly too, it's like the scowl shows them my dark inner side while the clap re-affirms my positive and caring nature. It's like the duality of T, right there in one simple gesture. And look at this picture:

Everyone was always "Oh, Al Borges showed up and made Jason Campbell a star" and blah blah blibbidy freaking blah. I can tell you, J-Dogg (that's what he liked for me to call him) hated Snackcake over there. I'm actually in the picture too, you just can't see me through his gut (or hear me over his "loud" shirt! I am all that is clever!), and I remember all the Campbells wishing he would leave and being all "Get that cracker ass cracker out of here! Damn!" That's actually why Jason is smiling so big, he's on the phone with the po-po (that's another little bit of "slang" that I've picked up by listening to my players instead of getting in their faces all the freaking time!) telling them some cracker ass cracker was at the house eating up all the pudding and commiting hate crimes.


Look at that fat oaf. He isn't even wearing the right hat!

Unlike those other losers, I don't need donations to put up my billboard. I got mine, motherfuckers!

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